Cold Also Burns
by Cliia
Summary: Bobby's thoughts during X2. A companion piece to So Close Yet So Far Away and God Among Insects. I don't own anything here, though I often wish I did. UPDATED! 2604
1. Default Chapter

Cold Also Burns  
  
"Where's John?" "With Magneto."  
  
Rogue opened her mouth but closed it before saying anything. We'd been through enough that day to go through any more, I guess. Of course, that was before Jean died to save us. Like everyone else on the flight, I knew there could have been another way. Admittedly, that is mere conjecture at this point.  
  
Scott raged for most of the flight to DC straining against Logan. His shrieks and pleas broke every heart on the plane. They will probably haunt me for the rest of my days. It was one of the few times Rogue let me hold her in front of Logan, like he noticed anything but Scott in front of him and Jean's absence. Staring at Scott and Logan, I was struck with the thought that these two forces that could have torn each other apart were the only things that could hold them together.  
  
The president dealt with our news far better than I think we all expected. In those tense moments, Storm made the sky as dark as our hearts. While I like to make us the good guys, I know that we could have easily destroyed everyone in that room and not quelled the emotional maelstrom we each felt after days of fighting and fleeing. We returned home to Westchester to face more emptiness and nightmares than I thought possible.  
  
The repair work was completed quickly on the mansion. Some of it we did ourselves. There is nothing better for nightmares than exhaustion. A few of the places were made better. We'll never have to rely on Peter to force the wall again should we be attacked. The security system has been updated. I hope the squirrels and birds are aware of the changes. If not, we're going to be picking up a lot of cooked beasties until they are.  
  
There are things that repair and redecoration can't fix. I passed John's bed every morning and every night. Rogue wouldn't look at it when she snuck into my room on the nights that the dreams got to her. I would wrap her in blankets and place myself between her and the empty bed. It was the closest she had let me get privately since our kiss in my bedroom. I have to admit while it wasn't what I wanted it to be it was a lot more comfortable than it could have been. The sheer heat from her proximity could burn me alive. I never liked the heat very much for obvious reasons. I learned on those nights pressed against the cotton that even cold can burn. For her though, I'd walk through the gates of hell itself. I think the worst part is both of us knowing that even if we went through hell, we still couldn't touch for more than a few seconds.  
  
During those tough moments, I focus on the most beautiful thing I've seen. In my room, what used to be my real room, Rogue pursed her lips and blew cold. For that one moment, we both could see our connection. It's that image that stays with me through classes and dreams. It's the one image that keeps the heat from burning me. 


	2. That Was Then, This is Now

"Do you think we'll ever see Pyro again?" Marie asked, looking toward his bed for the first time since we returned without him. Somehow she seemed to avoid it all through the summer and into fall. I was laying on my bed staring at the ceiling and she was sitting beside me like she normally did with her legs folded beneath her like a cat. However, she had turned to look over her shoulder toward the empty bed. They hadn't found someone to take his place or maybe they were just holding it in case he showed up on the front steps one day.  
  
"I think it's possible. John may actually work out whatever it was that chased him from here." I put my hand on her arm. The heat of her through her silk shirt was oddly comforting this time, as though she wasn't being boiled alive.  
  
"You don't worry about what Mystique and Magneto will do to him, do you?" She hadn't turned to me like she normally did when I touched her. In fact, it seemed as though she got further away from me by the moment.  
  
I squeezed her arm. "He's not you, and he went of his own free will. Sure, I worry, but I'd be insane by now if I let everyone's decisions consume me when I didn't agree." Somehow the pause seemed to let us both sink into the foreboding possibilities. "Besides, if they had some horrible interest in him, I hate to say it, but we'd have a body or a news story to follow up on." She shivered and seemed so far away that I couldn't touch her, though I could feel her muscles clench beneath my hand. It was at moments like this that I wanted to be able to kiss her and hold her and get lost in all the physical things other couples could do. I wanted to do it as much to comfort us as to distract myself from my greatest fear. I couldn't bring myself to say it even to Marie, or Rogue. It wasn't finding John's body and burying him. It was facing the reality that the next time we fought Magneto that I could be fighting John for real and for my life. I didn't know what would happen if I had to make that choice to cross over into life or death struggles with him.  
  
"Why focus on such dire thoughts, Rogue? My mother would say" I began and caught myself on another raft of depression. "-nevermind." I began to sink into the reality of life after Boston. I knew that if I went there the nightmares could easily come back and I didn't want to chance it. I was tired of seeing flames, and repudiation by my family on my eyelids at night. Time for a decent distraction. "Come on." I pulled her hand to bring her back to the here and now and me. "I'm hungry. Let's go order a pizza or something. You know, it's movie night and I want to get the comfy couch."  
  
For a second she sat unmoving, I think I could have seen the memories in her eyes if she had let me. For a moment, I feared one of her torrential outbursts that always left me feeling like a shell of a person. My stomach growled loudly in the awkward pause, and she smiled. I felt it in her shadow.  
  
"Bobby, you're always hungry."  
  
"Of course. I'm growing. With all this eating though, I'm gonna grow into a hell of a man." I patted my stomach as I rolled off the bed and on to the floor.   
  
She laughed looking down. I knew I could have gotten lost in those eyes especially when she was sad. The laugh sounded a bit forced and strident before my stomach grumbled again. "If I were you, Bobby Drake, I'd just be thankful that they keep us moving or all that pizza would make you grow into a hell of a wide man."  
  
***  
  
There are times when I never expected that Scott and Professor Xavier would recognize the fact that we were adults. I think in some part of the mind's eye they share we would all continue to be children forever. If we were, Jean would still be here, and time wouldn't have agonizingly passed through each sunrise and sunset. I can't say that Marie and I achieved those adult relationships that Logan tried to tease me about on that fateful night. Some days it was what I wanted most in the world, other nights, I was completely content living within the confines of stolen kisses. I pondered the Victorians a time or two. When you fall in love with someone whose touch could mean death, you get used to the layers and layers of fabric. The smallest glimpses of ankles and shoulders can get my heart racing faster than running Scott's obstacle course. It was preparation for the Danger Room. The day was coming when that would fill in hours of the day in place of classes.  
  
--Diary of Bobby Drake  
  
"So, today's the day. Excited to be finished, short stuff?" Logan asked leaning against the door leading to the elevator.  
  
"Logan, don't call me "short stuff"," Marie began, adjusting her uniform again and again. Though no wrinkles were apparent, she fidgeted as though she was covered in sand and shrink-wrapped. "On second thought, don't call me anything right now. I'm so nervous I could get sick."  
  
Watching her, I'm sure that she felt that way. I know I did. It's funny. We'd been waiting months and months for this day and now it was killing us. For a woman who was used to being covered, Marie seemed to be chafing in the confinement of her own expectations. Once we walked through the door, we wouldn't be children anymore. We'd be team members and the excitement was thundering through us. I also tried to remind myself that to ranking officers that soldiers are often children too. Young, cocky, and inexperienced. Check, check, and check. We've got it covered. I just hoped that the rest of the empty beds were due to choice rather than massacre.  
  
"Bobby, are you ready?" Marie was saying something to me and the thinking had to stop. Time for a smile and maybe a rose to show the confidence that I didn't feel. Lately, while I wanted to break the surface and be a responsible member of the team, I felt like I was choking slowly. Peter had his moniker firmly attached; he talked about how he-Colossus--was going to change the world. Admittedly, he did well in the simulator, but he didn't watch Rogue nearly plunge to her death after the rear of the jet exploded, he didn't watch Jean drown for us, and he didn't seem to really comprehend the enormity of what we would be doing.   
  
"Rogue, I was born ready."  
  
"Watch it, Bobby. 'Overconfidence is the last thing you want once you cross that threshold.'" Rogue mimicked Scott's endless droning monologues on what to do when confronted with the Danger Room. It was pretty good if I do say so myself, but we've had plenty of practiced. I'm biased.   
  
We had a few minutes to wait while they were setting up the new scenario. Since Rogue's powers were more defensive than offensive, the two of us were being tested on our teamwork in an intelligence mission. With the recent history of the X-Men, we became all too aware that we didn't have enough people to send a complete complement on occasion. The professor decided to try something new-rather than leave us off balance in skeleton crew situations, we started these missions in small teams of two. I was surprised to find that even the veteran members of the team were scheduled with extra Danger Room time. Storm told us this would be an intelligence mission rather than a combat one before she retired to the observation deck. Logan merely bowed before the door after giving me a look that froze me cold. I knew it meant that nothing should happen to Rogue on my watch. I planned to live up to that.  
  
The hiss of the metallic doors opening was enough to send me running for the hills. Rogue's smile and her hand coaxed me across the threshold. I doubt she knew anything was wrong.  
  
"Ready, Rogue?" I whispered as the air in front of us began to coalesce into shapes.  
  
"I was born ready, Bobby." 


	3. Danger Room

Part V: Danger Room (Rogue)  
  
I didn't know what to expect when I crossed the threshold. No one was allowed in the Danger Room until being cleared. This was our first attempt at clearance. I tried to give Bobby the same bravado I was used to seeing in him, though I admit I was feeling pretty claustrophobic. If I did well, I needed to talk to someone about getting a better outfit. You know, something less bulky.  
  
The scene that appeared looked like the forest behind the Institute. I could deal with this if that's what they used to pattern the scenario. I ran through there enough during various forays. More than one time, I ran off into the dark of these woods and I contemplated never returning. I'd never admit it to anyone. Well, I wouldn't admit it to most people. Logan found me both times. I doubt he'd tell anyone.  
  
I think we were both awed for a minute because I didn't see that large branch. I swear it was a snap heard around the world. I was sure Kitty heard it in her history study group upstairs. Bobby's head turned faster toward me than when he found me running in my nightgown last year in the chaos surrounding the soldiers. His bright, wide eyes made me blush out of embarrassment. I think he knew it as clearly as if I had been a telepath like Jean.   
  
It took a few minutes for us to move again. I felt the pressure of the clock on my chest as though each tick of the mission was pressing against me. However, rushing this would perhaps be worse than going cautiously.  
  
I could hear Bobby panting. His hands were cold against my gloves. I noticed that sometimes when he was really worried that he'd calm himself by retreating into the cold. I felt like I was on fire. I will never again put a potato in aluminum foil in the oven. That's the only image that came to my head as I tried to squirm into comfort. The bindings felt tight.   
  
"What do you think they are going to have us do?" I whispered as the hand got even colder. Sometimes you had to remind Bobby of the here and now or you lost him.  
  
"Probably steal something... or maybe copy something. You worrying, Rogue?"  
  
He smirked at me and I could see the bravado was back. It was a walk in the woods to Bobby Drake.   
  
"You just looked kind of concerned. That's all." What was I supposed to say? I'm scared to death that we're going to fail and I'll have to hear Peter for the next thousand years say how easy his test was.  
  
We came to a clearing in the woods and I saw in place of the oak tree that there was a small single engine jet there. I caught Bobby looking at me again. "This is it." I mouthed at him, hoping he would realize what I was saying versus watching "my funny lip shape" to borrow a line from Tori Amos.  
  
We split up. He approached the jet first. Something felt odd. It was like the pressure of the clock was increased three-fold. I wanted to yell for him, but I knew that would blow it. He slipped and nothing happened. I know my sigh was as loud as the branch I broke. Bobby must have heard it across the clearing because he narrowed his eyes and I clasped my hand over my mouth. He continued to the jet and I held my breath. The cockpit was open. He stuck his head in and I saw him fiddling with something, or I imagined I did because the awkward angle could only mean he was getting something out of the cockpit. He stood up and started walking over to the same place he entered the clearing and I started to go back to where we split, figuring we were done.   
  
"Like I said, Rogue. It's easy," he said with a smile while showing me the small box.   
  
"It's not over yet, Iceman."   
  
"The rest is cake." When he tossed the box in the air, my heart must have skipped two beats. He caught it easily and my breath came out in a rush.  
  
"Iceman," I said nearly angry. "Don't do that. Save the victory dance for ice cream later."  
  
He smiled and the box suddenly started to flash red.  
  
I saw his lips compress for the epithet that was coming, but I don't remember hearing anything. At that same moment, I could hear a mechanical hum. The box fell apart and two drones were hovering in front of us over the wreckage of what we thought was the package. They were a flat metallic color and the lights were changing color from an angry red to a cautious yellow as gears hummed and what appeared to be weaponry was brandished.  
  
We both turned to run. A sound that reminded me of winter static was tearing after us discharging sometimes right behind us. Bobby and I took off over the horizon toward the thickest part of the forest. I know we were both hoping to lose them in the cover. The drones possessed an agility I could only assign to the mosquitoes in the old Tom & Jerry cartoons.   
  
In a moment's reprieve, I looked at Bobby again. We were crouched down behind a small rise. I could feel the fear for a moment. This had ceased to become a mere exercise. The air near him was cool on my face and it felt good. It gave me a moment to refresh and come back to my fear-hampered senses.  
  
"What kind of cake was that, Iceman?" I panted.  
  
He glared at me. He was as angry as I was in that moment. I could see the haze of his panting so I knew he was colder than he had been. He was definitely retreating from the situation. The drone's metallic hum cut him off from saying anything. It came up right behind him, and then I saw the beam coming straight for me. I tried to move, but I slipped on loose rocks. The beam hit my clothing right in the place that seemed to be pressing into my chest. Bobby reached out toward my attacker and I saw a blast of the angry arctic shatter the drone into bits of fragmented metal. The drone shrieked and a red light tore skyward as it cracked under the forces of entropy and winter's wrath.  
  
"Rogue," he cried out while somewhere rushing and falling over me. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine," I whispered lying there prone. I found that I couldn't sit up. I could turn my head, but I found that I couldn't move.  
  
"Let's go," he said with audible relief in his voice. I felt his hand on my arm, but couldn't make the suit move.  
  
"Bobby, I can't move. You've got to go without me."  
  
"Bullshit."   
  
"Bobby, I think it's a test. The stupid suits are wired. Any trap we set off is going to freeze them. This is a test we've been through. Before no one wanted to make the choice, Jean did. I'm making the choice now."  
  
"No. It's a test, Rogue. There's a better way-" he was cut off as the second drone could be heard buzzing through the brush near us. Once again, it seemed to focus on me.  
  
"Iceman, they have to be heat seekers. Why else would it have targeted me and not you? It had a clear shot at your back, but I'm guessing it didn't register you were there. If you destroy it, they'll know where we are, but-"  
  
"Not if you disappear." He tore his gloves off his hand with his teeth.  
  
"What are you doing? Get out of here."  
  
"Heat seekers, Rogue. Think about it." He went to touch my face and I suddenly knew what he planned.   
  
"If you pass out, where will we be, Bobby?" I hissed, as he blocked the sun out for me. He leaned down and kissed me.  
  
I felt the cool chill me to the bones and I bathed in it. The few times that we had kissed always made the world feel reborn. It was like Christmas morning. The air was clear and my lungs felt light. But, underneath it, there was a cold that wanted to consume me. It burned and made me wish for another mutation--One that would allow me to ride the heat to a new summit. I could hear the drone's confusion as it started to track elsewhere. I could hear it moving off right as I could hear Bobby in my mind.  
  
I love you, Rogue. Memories started to fill my head of me from his eyes. I started to thrash. I could feel him getting weak. Thankfully, it appeared that the problem was not with me but the suit.  
  
"Bobby. Off." Ice crystals appeared in front of me. He looked pale, but thankfully, his self-preservation kicked in and he pulled back although visibly reluctant. We both panted with the effort. More than memories were fluttering around my mind. I caught glimpses of daydreams and more. They would have been interesting if I hadn't been frozen solid on the ground in the Danger Room. I'm sure they would stay with me for at least a few more hours. I'd enjoy them later when I could peruse as slowly as my mind wanted.  
  
"Bobby, help. Get this damn zipper open."  
  
I think his eyes nearly bugged out of his head. It was worth a shot. Before his mind could move forward, I had to derail him or I'd have more than just butterflies pressing in my head. "I think it's the suit that won't let me move. If I can get it off, we can both get out of here. If it doesn't work, you have to promise me to just go"  
  
The smirk that I was so used to seeing came back. "I think I'm going to sign up for extra Danger Room sessions."  
  
"I'm sure Kurt will love it." I said with an answering smile. "Now, get this damn thing off."  
  
His hand shook nearly as much as mine did trapped in my prison. The zipper gave way pretty easily, which shocked me. I was sure they would have made sure to disable the suits where we were stuck if we screwed up. But, suddenly there I was in nothing but my undershirt and my underwear. The smile that lit up his eyes made me want to hit him, but I had nothing to hide behind except for my hair. I took the boots and gloves off the uniform and decided it was the best that it was going to get.  
  
"Now, can we do this thing again? It's got to be the jet. Let's use the plan that's going to win. We've both got to keep off their radar. What did you see in there?"  
  
He was staring so intently that I tried to cover myself up for a moment. When he shut his eyes, I was both happy and sad. "There's a military insignia on the panel. There were various sensors that were working. I think one of them showed the location of the school."  
  
I nodded, forgetting he couldn't see my movement. I know he had seen enough to keep his mind busy for a while.  
  
"Anything else?"  
  
"The box and a folder."  
  
"Let's get the folder since it definitely wasn't the box we were looking for. Do you think they could trap the folder like they did the box?" He shook his head and I sighed. I was going to have enough to deal with when I went to walk out of here in my underwear. I just hope no one was waiting at the doors for us.   
  
"I'll get it this time, Iceman. Then we head straight back for the school."  
  
It was much easier to retrace our steps to the clearing. Bobby had taken to putting a field of cold around the two of us. Without the addition of his stolen grace, I probably would have had pneumonia before we returned to the clearing. Upon reaching the clearing, I changed my mind about going alone. Bobby and I went together. This time, however, I was in charge of the intelligence and he was my guard.  
  
I couldn't reach the information from the outside so I climbed up on the edge of the jet and leaned into the cockpit. First things first, I took one of the sheets of paper and covered the insignia on the dash. I ran over it with my fingernail and captured the impression. After fighting the drones the first time, I worried about trying to break into the computer when it had a security code. I grabbed the folder and anything else I could find.  
  
"Iceman, is there a first aid kit on your side of the cockpit?" Bobby's head perked up over the side and he put his hand on it underneath the seat.   
  
"Hurt yourself, Rogue?" I could see he was trying to tease me, but he did look a bit concerned.   
  
I flipped it open quickly and found that luck shined down on the nearly naked. "Can you chill this without freezing it?" I said handing him a small bottle of an aerosol anti-bacterial agent.  
  
"Sure. Why?" He asked and pursed his lips. Holding it in one hand, he shook it gently while blowing on it. When he handed it back to me, I was glad to have the gloves.  
  
"An idea. Watch." I sprayed the fluid lightly dusting it over the keyboard. Since it wasn't an open keyboard like a computer, I felt pretty sure that it wouldn't damage the system. The cooled liquid pooled on the fingerprints, but I couldn't figure out how to break the code. Fear of triggering more drones kept me from punching numbers.  
  
"OK. Next time, we bring supplies. Let's go."  
  
Bobby and I started over to the door that we used to enter. We moved quieter than we had when starting the mission. It was easier to move without the bulky suit though I really wanted clothes when I walked out of the Danger Room. I knew that John would have been waiting with a party of people to mock me for losing my clothes. There were some days that I didn't miss him. However, Bobby and I had gotten into enough trouble already without me trying to go back for it and find it. All I needed was to find that last drone while trying to squirm into the X-uniform. No thanks. It had hit me in the chest. I could only imagine what would happen if it hit me when I wasn't suited. My rambling rant ended in my excitement to see the same trees that marked the beginning of our excursion. It hopefully meant that the simulation was ending.   
  
When the doors opened and Logan was standing there applauding deliberately, I decided I should have gone back for the uniform.  
  
"Is that applause for succeeding?" I asked staring at him straight in the eye. Being bashful wasn't going to get me anywhere with Logan. Bobby stepped forward and got in front of me. Once again they were doing the male standoff dance.  
  
"That and losing your clothes," Logan said with a smirk. "Charles was pretty impressed by your . . . "ingenuity." Before everyone else shows up though, you may want to go through that door again and grab the uniform."  
  
I took a step back and left Bobby and Logan to stare at each other. The uniform couldn't have been more than twenty feet from the door since the scenery had melted like phantoms. I slid into it as quickly as I could, but this time I didn't bother to zip it up all the way. When I walked out into the hallway, the Professor had joined Bobby and Logan. I saw Scott and Storm on the elevator headed upstairs. I feared that it wasn't a good sign.  
  
With a slow sigh, I walked back out to the hallway to see how far back we'd be after today.  
  
"Rogue. Bobby." the professor began "Please go make yourselves comfortable and meet me in my office in an hour." There was the slightest pause around the word comfortable and I knew he was talking about me.  
  
"Sure, Professor." We answered simultaneously while Logan could barely contain his pleasure. 


End file.
